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Post by Onishiba on Jul 4, 2008 2:30:09 GMT -5
Ow... the big size of that last sentence hurts my eyes. So... what do the ruins in the beginning of FFX look like? I've played the game, but I can't remember the looks of it. Would you mind describing? o.o Also, I dislike mixing up X-Storyline with Classic storyline, especially since Axl is a character of Next-Generation-Reploids... =/ Oh well... It's your fanfic. Honestly, I don't really like it. But that's probably because I generally can't do anything with fanfics. Oh well... I'm looking forward for the next CTS-part and, sorry to say, won't bother to read other chapters of your Crashman story.
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Weegee
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Post by Weegee on Jul 7, 2008 2:39:03 GMT -5
NOTICE
CTS might not be updating for a while, considering my Mac is crap.
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Post by Weegee on Jul 11, 2008 1:49:57 GMT -5
(DOUBLE-POST O' LEARY)
Personally, I forgot as well. All I can remember is that they were called the Baaj Ruins and had to destroyificate some big dead fish thing.
And now for the long-awaited conclusion of Chapter 1! Yes, I finished this already. Yes, I'm pissed off that My Mac just so happens to turn off when I get done with a chapter.
************************************** *CHAPTER 1: TURNABOUT SUPERNOOB (Part 5)* **************************************
Rekai simply smiled evilly at Daniel dangerously dangling above his doom. Furry looked useless, trying to go through every single plan, only to end up in a big, stinking pile of failure. In split-seconds, too. Bard was more concerned with Daniel's safety than anything else. I decided to give Furry an edge.
"So why did you do it, Rekai? Why did you decide to kidnap our noob and decide to kill it, even though legal action must be taken?" I asked. Furry stared at me nervously, as if something bad happened.
“For the sake of the sword, of course,” Rekai replied hastily, smiling at his victory. “Or the sake of the Ruler, if that’s the case. I would suggest you agree to my terms, otherwise, you lose your precious Kayorei!” He pulled out the Falcon Ruler of Rules from its sheath and pointed it at Daniel. It glimmered rather darkly in the Fayzon light
“I believe that we have no other choice but to accept those terms,” I said equally as hasty. Something was different about this Rekai. Furry had multiple chills going down his spine, looking at me and what I had done for the side of evil. He looked at me like he was saying with his eyes, ‘What have you done?!? Do you expect to doom us all?!?’ Rekai put the Ruler of Rules down and smiled his evil smile.
“Very well, then. My terms are-” he started, before he was cut off.
“Denied,” A gruff voice out of nowhere said. A figure leaped from the shadows and grabbed Rekai by his collar, accompanied only by the sound of his robotic boots slamming the ground with lethal force. It was Colonel Rays, the other prosecutor. He was a lot bigger in person, and was a little bit more aged than his photograph. And he had very dull, solemn eyes that seemed to pierce any lie I had right in the stomach. “You two!” It seemed that he was directing it towards Bard and Furry. “Get out. I’ll baby-sit your little vamp-kid here.” Furry and Bard did what they were told and exited the structure to safety. “And Rekai, get in here! I can’t hold him for long!”
“On it, Rays!” another voice seemed to yell out of nowhere. This voice was much more mature, and sounded like Captain Falcon’s voice. Another shadowy figure had popped out of the shadows, and landed with no sound. It was Rekai, but this one had a more casual ninja outfit on. “You Shadowmites always choose the wrong person to imitate,” Rekai said, pulling out the Ruler of Rules from its sheath. This Ruler of Rules glistened with a bright light, much brighter than the imposter’s. And then he continued his mini-speech, “Because no one of you can match the power of the mighty Falcon Ruler of Rules! Maybe you should have a taste of it...NOW!!!” Rekai lodged the Falcon Ruler of Rules into the imposter’s torsal region.
The imposter fell to the ground, writhing in death. Rekai took his Ruler of Rules back and started walking away. But then, the imposter started getting up. He uttered only a few words:
“Know this, Rekai... you’re efforts will only...be in vain. FOR BEHOLD!!” The imposter threw his false Ruler of Rules at the rope of which Daniel was dangling above. It cut the rope and Daniel fell into the Fayzon core, and it turned a dark crimson, pulsing faster than it already had. And Rekai looked scared. It was like some kind of memory had been awoken. Then it hit us: The Fayzon core was imploding. We started hurrying to save ourselves, and we got out as fast as possible. But I noticed something odd.
“Where’s Rekai?” I asked.
“I dunno,” Rays replied. “He must be trying to stabilize the Fayzon core. It won’t be good if it imploded on us again. Not what happened last time...” He became silent and was trapped in retrospect.
“Well we have to go get him! There’s no way that I’m leaving him behind!” I ran into the dome again to save Rekai. Rekai was standing really still, was facing in the direction I was, and was trying to use the weight of the Ruler of Rules to slow his movements down. The Fayzon Core was now a blackish red, and had enough sucking power to become its own black hole and was making an ear-piercing vacuous noise.
“Glenn, get out of here!” he yelled to me.
“No way! You need my help!” I yelled back. It was then that the Falcon Ruler of Rules started turning into a noodle and was getting sucked into the Fayzon Core.
“Well, that’s not good,” he said profoundly. “Glenn, I’m taking one for the team. Say hi to Rays for me,” he called back to me.
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?!?” I yell/asked.
“Because it’s apparant that I’m attracting the Shadowmites here and I don’t want them destroying Kayorei. If she falls, this Consortium falls.” The Fayzon core turned totally black. Rekai looked at it, then at me. “Lol, bye nao,” he said in the most l33t way possible. He let himself get sucked into the Fayzon Core. Then the core gradually turned back to its pink color and started humming again. I couldn’t bare to see this happen.
I walked slowly outside of the dome. Rays looked at me and knew that Rekai was nowhere to be found. The next day, we had a funeral in his honor. Around 4 days afterwards, I saw Colonel Rays pacing the foyer. I walked up to him. He saw me.
"Hey, kid. Never did get your name," he said.
"Glenn, sir. I would like to know about the Shadowmites," I replied. Rays looked around shifting his eyes fast.
"Come with me," he said. We walked over to his suite. Well, at least I walked. He strut-marched. But when we got inside, I found out how military he really was. In the middle was a holo-map, which showed a map of galactic proportions all over the room. There were some flags on the walls, most of which were torn up to show that they were earned in battle.
"Shadowmites," he said while walking to the map control panel, "are creatures from a pan-dimensional universe similar to our own. They exist on the Earth we know in that universe. It is believed that the Shadowmites and the Dinosaurs lived together in war, as long as the dinosaurs weren't at war with themselves. But what is wrong with this theory?" he asked me.
"There are no Shadowmite fossils, sir," I replied.
"Quit with the pleasantries," he demanded. "Anyway, Shadowmites were banished by early man, considering not even the gigantic meteor that struck the planet 65 million years ago killed them off completely. Only the most advanced neaderthals could outsmart them. Ever since, the Shadowmites have been trying to destroy us. They kill people, take their identities and become killers. The first one to ever reach through the dimensional rift was a Shadowmite named Em Pira. Em was the one who became the madman who destroyed thousands of people's lives for the sake of doing so."
"Who? Julius Caesar? Henry the Eighth?"
"No. That was back in the time when magic was still a second nature. Em Pira overshadowed a very small man that would've changed the world with his artistic style. But he was murdered and overshadowed. The man's name was Adolf Hitler. Yes. No human could've been less humane, and an alien being would make perfect sense.
"Anyway, while in his rule, Pira started messing with interdimensional travel, which was in fact documented in the movie "Hellboy". It was then that the Shadowmites had a place to move back to Earth. However, his plans were stopped by a couple of army soldiers who started tripping the rift. Pira was altered back to his true form, leaving behind Hitler's dead body."
"But that doesn't explain Rekai's doppelganger," I noticed.
"Let me finish. Pira decided that lowly Shadowmites should adapt to copy another persona instead of killing a person. Therefore, there would be less matter about the deaths in the human news."
"Ah," I grunted happily.
"I have checking on the Shadowmites, but there has been a weird disturbance in the dimension. It seems as though that there's another being among the Shadowmites. This might mean that..."
"Yes?" I asked, curious of the idea.
"It might mean that Rekai's still alive....!" ********************************************* END CHAPTER ONE
Read and Discuss.
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Post by Onishiba on Jul 11, 2008 3:02:41 GMT -5
Hitler... -.- And there I thought that story would end up without Godwin, but it seems that he's unavoidable.
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Post by Bardpado on Jul 11, 2008 4:11:50 GMT -5
I lol at the EMOness... And my understanding of what is something like a Metal Slug reference which turned out to be something out of HellBoy.
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Foozdude
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Post by Foozdude on Jul 11, 2008 10:26:39 GMT -5
I... But... You...
*brain fizzle*
I - at this moment - will not touch the plot-aspect of this story. I apologize if I appear to be mocking your story, but I simply do not wish to get into specifics which may or may not cause spoilers for your story.
The descriptiveness was alright, average. Still, you need some colourful phrases as well, like 'gilded' or 'with a _______ tint' (where the underscores are replaced by a colour). The actions in this chapter were clear, for the most part; good job there. Hmmm, I stand by which was my most favourite, although this is an improvement over the previous 'Part' of Chapter 1.
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Weegee
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Post by Weegee on Jul 11, 2008 13:33:54 GMT -5
Yeah. The sloppiness of this part would've been fixed had not my Mac turned off before the perfect ending to the chapter was complete. The alternate one kept Rekai "alive" but it would've been less interesting and, in turn, would be more descriptiveness. And don't worry. The "Shadowmite" arc will be solved by the end of the second chapter.
@bard: In homage of the sequel coming to America today, of course.
And @ Fay: Yes. Hitler is unavoidable. That last page should not have inspired me to throw him in there.
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Zettamiles1
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Post by Zettamiles1 on Jul 11, 2008 13:48:11 GMT -5
Hmm, immpressive explanation of the story. I was 2 segments behind, so it was a good read. Also, could you explain when they said. "last time" the Fayzon core imploded? I might have missed something.
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Post by Forci S. on Jul 11, 2008 13:59:36 GMT -5
NO. No, no, no, no. A conspiracy theorist? "Strut-marched"?? Unh-uh.
You can just leave me out of the rest of your story, thankyouverymuch.
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Post by Onishiba on Jul 11, 2008 16:12:04 GMT -5
You know... just thinking - you could have me as shapeshifter, too. Looking different each chapter or... I dunno. :>
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Weegee
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Post by Weegee on Jul 12, 2008 14:00:56 GMT -5
@mma: That might take some time to fit into another chapter...
@syaro: Don't worry. The king never goes into battle. Because next chapter, an elite corps minus you will take em' on.
@ Fay: Good idea. I could fit that into a punchline of some sort.
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Post by Forci S. on Jul 12, 2008 14:03:05 GMT -5
@syaro: Don't worry. The king never goes into battle. Because next chapter, an elite corps minus you will take em' on. I meant in its entirety. Just leave me out of it.
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Weegee
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Post by Weegee on Jul 12, 2008 14:20:08 GMT -5
...Fine, fine. One more mention of your name in the story and then I'll leave you out.
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Zettamiles1
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Post by Zettamiles1 on Jul 15, 2008 15:40:36 GMT -5
When would you say in the timeline this place is (in real life)? About when this forum was made, or when challenge taking caught your eye? If the second one, than when would that be?
(sorry if this is too many questions...)
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Post by Onishiba on Jul 15, 2008 15:56:18 GMT -5
Dude, that story is playing on a space station. Kayorei is a computer. Seriously, what "timeline" do you think it will play in? No, it's not 2008, and it's also not the Medieval. Seriously. And since when does a SciFi-story need digits for the years? Right, they don't.
Your questions suck.
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