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Post by Crawdaunt PWNS! on Apr 29, 2008 1:00:27 GMT -5
I dunno where should I have posted it. Mods, if you feel this should be somewhere else, please move it.
I've had this for a few weeks now.
Almost every moring, well, more like afternoon, since I usually go to sleep at 5 AM, and when I go to sleep, as well as several times a day, I feel like I'm about to burts in tears. Why you would say? The reason is that every moment I mentioned, I have some kind of memory of me being a true asshole when I was young (13- years old) Things I said or Did... or Sad events I wasn't concious of, such as when my mom's dad died when I was 5 years old. The same thing happens when I see, or talk about dead cats. You migth think I'm weird, but lemme explain. When I was 4 years old, my Dad bough me a cat. Obviously, since I was 4 years old, I was kinda mistreating him. But that's not the problem. We were living on the 3rd floor of some building near where I live now. My mom let the cat go out but put a rope around it's neck. The rope was long enough in case it would jump from the third floor, or so she though. The cat hanged itself. My mom never told me that. She hid the corpse from us, and told us it fled. We (me and my bro) beleived her since there was a homeless cat that ran near our house from time to time that looked exactly like our cat. She hid that secret for 7 years. When she admitted having accidently killd the cat, I didn't say anything, but the day I first saw a dead cat (it probably was hit by a car) I bursted in tears. My mom asked what was wrong. I answered: It's all your fault!!!! When I calmed down, I appologied, and explained the reason I was rude. Not too long after, I saw another dead cat on my way to school. When I got to school, my teacher saw I was in tears, and asked me to write her a small letter saying what was wrong. When I showed her the letter, she obviously read it, and started to laugh saying it was a stupid reason.
For these reasons, I often happen to want to cry. Actually, I am crying for no reason right now the moment I'm writing this.
Laugh if you want... I just needed to tell someone... even if it's only by Internet.
I thank you for taking your time to read this...
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Post by Bardpado on Apr 29, 2008 1:30:28 GMT -5
3 things that should have not happened/should be explained:
1. Never tie a cat down. If it falls, it will land on its feet and the worst that will happen are broken legs. 2. Where did she bury your cat for you not to notice? From what I know, throwing something into a river is illegal, so where'd she go that you guys could never have noticed? 3. Those are really a bunch of stupid cats... getting run over is one thing, but seeing a dead-cat lying on the streets is another. Aren't there any garbage cans they could scavenge?
Now that those are out of the way; consolation/wall-o-txt time:
I know that it's traumatic to hear that your cat died, but crying every time another cat dies is just beyond normal psychology. These traumas usually last for a few years, but for you to have it until now is also beyond me. Maybe a psychiatrist or a psychometrician can help you.
I mean, my mom had a dog while I was about 3 or 4 and before my 5th birthday, the dog died. My grandpa said that he might've eaten rat poison that was lying outside and my mom said it was of old age. But whatever the reason was, that didn't stop me from having another dog. When that one died cuz of poisoning (probably food poisoning), it didn't stop us from having another one and right now, I still have a dog.
After writing that down, I just realized something different about our stories:
When my dogs died, we had nothing to blame but the sickness that is aging, you, on the other hand, had your mother. This is far fetched, but I think it's not the trauma of losing the cat... It's the trauma of what your mother did. I'm not saying you hate her, but you can't forgive her about that even until now.
I call this done and prescribe that you see a proper psychiatrist........ Not us. We can only console you but not tell you for absolute certainty that that really is the reason.
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Post by Crawdaunt PWNS! on Apr 29, 2008 1:36:06 GMT -5
Yeah, I know It's stupid to cry over dead cats, even 8 years after my mom admitted that fact. No I never forgave her, and will most probably never do so, but I still love her (no sick thoughs). And She never told us where she hid the cat... but I guess she just threw it in a trash can I guess I do need a psychiatrist >_>
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Post by Bardpado on Apr 29, 2008 1:51:23 GMT -5
Points given, fault admitted, topic answered= No further use.
I'd say that this deserves a lock.
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Post by Crawdaunt PWNS! on Apr 29, 2008 2:03:24 GMT -5
Not quite... you're the only one to have given his opinion. Since for most of the NA members, it's still sleeping time, and for most of Eurpoean members of this forum, it's school time, let' wait a bit... I'd like to read more opinions...
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Post by Bardpado on Apr 29, 2008 2:55:50 GMT -5
Not quite... you're the only one to have given his opinion. Since for most of the NA members, it's still sleeping time, and for most of Eurpoean members of this forum, it's school time, let' wait a bit... I'd like to read more opinions... But you just admitted yourself that you need to see a psychiatrist... It sounded like you already had an answer from thereon. >.>
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Post by Onishiba on Apr 29, 2008 3:16:29 GMT -5
I won't post any oppinion in here, because it probably would be filled with bias and my aversion towards you - but one thing: Hmph, school time!
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Post by ShyGuyAvenger on Apr 29, 2008 9:39:33 GMT -5
I don't see any reason why to laugh. Really, whoever laughs is a sick bastard.
What I (and probably most others as well) see is that you have suffered a trauma due to this. Now, it is normal at one point that you blame your mom, but you also have to see it from another point. Parents want to protect their kids from things like death. When you find out the truth, it does hurt, but you have to keep in mind that she only did this to save you the sorrow of death early on. Even if you can't forgive her, know that she didn't do this to give you a trauma, she did it to try to protect you.
*cough* My two cents on it. May not help, but eh, better something then nothing.
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L .H. C.
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Post by L .H. C. on Apr 29, 2008 19:58:49 GMT -5
*laughs* Oh my gawd, I'm a sick bastard. Now, seriously, I've suffered a lot of traumas, and then the lung issue, so I've come to understand the fragility of life. I really understand how you feel, Roserashi. However, instead of wanting to burst into tears, I feel a need for revenge, to make the world suffer the same way I did, but that's another story, isn't it? >_> <_< A cat hanging itself? That's a silly thought. lolemocat P.S. I actually AM a sick bastard. Just not in this case.
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TeknoSpazz
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Post by TeknoSpazz on Apr 29, 2008 20:14:17 GMT -5
>_< Why did you have to bring up the topic of death!?
I've had too many deaths in my family! Pets and extremely close loved ones... My grandfathers died either before I was born or when I was very small... And when I was five, my grandma died... And ironically, seven days after 9/11, my dad died of melanoma (spell?). There are also people in my family that have died that I'm still close to, but live very far away... Too many to list...
And then the topic of friends... I've had several close (And not so close) friends die due to random accidents! Like one more recent was the death of a girl who was walking home late at night from school... I think she was at practice for one of the two school musicals we have every year... She was hit by a car! The driver was one of the teachers... The worst part about it was, neither of them saw it coming. The girl was wearing a black hoodie, and she was listening to music. The teacher couldn't see her, and she couldn't hear the teacher coming. There were a lot of deaths in my area in the past year. (When I say in my area, I mean students.)
The death in my family that impacts me the most was the death of my dad... Because it comes back to me every year in September... Because he was a history teacher at my school for about 7 years, and he also coached football. But then he got a job at a neighboring school as principal and football coach... And after he died, My school switched sports divisions... We were in the same division as my dad's school. My school and my dad's school have a bit of a rivalry going on... But they have that match to honor my dad, and through the whole match I spend under the bleachers crying...
I... I just had to let that out.
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Omni
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Post by Omni on Apr 29, 2008 23:47:33 GMT -5
>_< Why did you have to bring up the topic of death!? My grandfathers died either before I was born or when I was very small... And when I was five, my grandma died... And ironically, seven days after 9/11, my dad died of melanoma (spell?). I think my grandpa died that day, or a few days after. (because he died a few days after my birthday... the same year of 9/11)
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Post by Bardpado on Apr 30, 2008 1:20:06 GMT -5
A cat hanging itself? That's a silly thought. lolemocat P.S. I actually AM a sick bastard. Just not in this case. It's one thing to tie a dog, but it's another to tie a cat....... When cat's fall, they land on their feet and since he lived on the third floor, if the cat fell, it would or might've broken its legs. Then it wouldn't have run away. I don't mean to offend your mom, Neo, but that's one of the dumbest things anyone could've done to a cat!
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Post by Crawdaunt PWNS! on Apr 30, 2008 1:22:45 GMT -5
I don't mean to offend your mom, Neo, but that's one of the dumbest things anyone could've done to a cat! You'd tell her personnally she wouldn't have been offended. She did thik it was very dumb to tie our cat >_>
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Post by ShyGuyAvenger on Apr 30, 2008 5:37:13 GMT -5
*laughs* Oh my gawd, I'm a sick bastard. P.S. I actually AM a sick bastard. Just not in this case. Old/10. Please come back when you got something new to say kthnxbai
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Post by Onishiba on Apr 30, 2008 8:50:52 GMT -5
Hearing stories like these makes me happy that I have lost contact with most of my family members - actually all of them.
Everyone has their traumas and their awful memories. Also, murders, accidents and illnesses are happening all over the place and all over the world. Anyone who says "Oh my, in my environment people are dying... I MUST BE THE CAUSE!!" is not really okay. That's the worst thing you could say.
If someone dies you know, then keep the person (or pet) in your memories. As long as at least one person remembers the passed away, so long they will stay alive in your heart. That's something I learned when one of my best friends died due to lung cancer.
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